Losing My Religion
The State Of Affairs v.12
“Describe your past and current relationship with Christianity.”
The interviewer is pulling out the big guns straight from the gate, and it takes me several days to figure out how to even begin to respond to her in less than a short memoir, never mind the 100 word limit she has prescribed. It’s a difficult question, but a good one. Largely because it’s a question I have been turning over in my own mind for the last handful of months.
Healing Trip #6 - Ojai, California
One year ago, I was hovering in the space just before my very last chemotherapy treatment. I had no idea what laid beyond that sixth round – and if you had told me there is a pretty solid chance I: (a) wouldn’t have believed you and (b) would have been completely incapable of handling the news. I was already playing around with the idea that I might not do the recommended maintenance chemotherapy – and had made up my mind that I certainly wouldn’t do the entire prescribed year. But I don’t think I was in a place yet where I could have gotten my mind around the idea of saying no to additional treatment in the face of an “incurable” diagnosis.
“When did you fall?”
My head swivels from his gorgeous wife to meet his eyes. “Excuse me?”
“The fall. How old were you?”
Do You Want To Continue Leading Your Life?
“Why am I doing this?”
I am wandering through the Richmond airport at an hour that is often past my bedtime these days. I am wearing pajamas and feel much like I am dragging a 50-pound weight behind me.
Check, One, Two . . .
“I’m a pastor, and God doesn’t talk to me. Do you really think He talks to you?”
Its no longer a novel question, so my response has become a touch rote.
“Yes, I do,” I respond, squeezing the words out through a tiny space in the barrier keeping my exasperation at bay.
On The Celebration Of The Resurrection
Is this thing on?
* * *
I needed some time. Some space. I had to learn the hard way that when you take to painting your emotions all over the internet – when you crack your heart wide open and provide whoever wishes one an inside view at the goriest year of your life – you can create a false sense of intimacy and a level of expectation that you weren’t really planning on.
The State Of Affairs v.11
“What is the standard of review applicable to a motion for summary judgment?”
I am afraid to try to answer because I am certain that I will throw up if I open my mouth. I didn’t review this. What were the odds they would ask this – rather than something related to the applicable facts or the pertinent cases?
An Open Letter To My Goddaughter
I haven’t written in a while. There are several reasons for that. Its been a bit of an odd time, the last few weeks. I have always been a person who is fairly attached to dates, so the memories of what was going on a year ago have been sweeping in hard and fast and with incredible depth and its taken a significant amount of energy to process that.
The Vocabulary of Prayer
Sweet Isla Grace. Welcome.
Welcome to this lifetime. To this miraculous place. It is miraculous not because it is perfect, or constantly joy-filled. It is miraculous not because we’ve finally achieved Heaven down here or even because we have managed to find a way to act with compassion and love 51% of the time. And its not miraculous because love always wins.
“Check this out.”
Anytime his name pops up on my phone I have to smile. He is something akin to my baby brother in recovery. A human I have never encountered in “real life” but who I am bound to by our shared experience of surrender.