Any Way You Slice It
The State Of Affairs v.12
“So, you feel better then?”
I want to slap her.
I’m at my gynecologist’s office – the regular, ordinary gynecologist for once – and in the pre-appointment “so how’ve you been” phase of the appointment, a member of her staff gets confirmation from me that I have not had anything new come up since my ovarian cancer diagnosis. And that is her response.
The State Of Affairs v.11
One year ago, I was hovering in the space just before my very last chemotherapy treatment. I had no idea what laid beyond that sixth round – and if you had told me there is a pretty solid chance I: (a) wouldn’t have believed you and (b) would have been completely incapable of handling the news. I was already playing around with the idea that I might not do the recommended maintenance chemotherapy – and had made up my mind that I certainly wouldn’t do the entire prescribed year. But I don’t think I was in a place yet where I could have gotten my mind around the idea of saying no to additional treatment in the face of an “incurable” diagnosis.
The State of Affairs v.10
I haven’t written in a while. There are several reasons for that. Its been a bit of an odd time, the last few weeks. I have always been a person who is fairly attached to dates, so the memories of what was going on a year ago have been sweeping in hard and fast and with incredible depth and its taken a significant amount of energy to process that.
The State of Affairs v.9.
“My heart chakra feels blocked,” I tell him and he laughs.
The State of Affairs v.8.
“I just don’t know. You are one of those women we will never really understand.”
Putting aside the number of jokes I wanted to make in response, I asked him, “But you feel good about things, right?”
“About the way things are going with you? I feel great.”
The State of Affairs v.7.
Its been awhile since I’ve done one of these, so let’s play catch up.
If you haven’t been around social media lately, you may have missed the big update – my CA125 dropped from 198 to 68 in the time since I stopped doing chemotherapy. If you’ve been in this for the long haul with me, you might notice that this new number is significantly lower than it ever was during chemo (my low on that protocol was 134).
The State of Affairs v.6.
We will start with the obvious I guess.
Phase one of chemotherapy is done.
I have meant to write, tried to write, so many times in the last week. But I can't for the life of me figure out how to put words to this space.
The State of Affairs v.5.
Well, here we are. Just 5 hours away from the last dose of round five.
Which means that there is just one round of this bad chemotherapy left. And right now, I'm willing to say that calling it "bad chemo" is the greatest understatement I have ever made.
The State of Affairs v.4.
Its been awhile.
If you're in RVA or love someone who is, you probably know the reason already - on day 3 of round 4, just about an hour after I returned home from my infusion, a huge summer storm rocked our little city. My neighborhood bore the brunt of it, and Hope and I were without power from around 8pm on Thursday until around the same time on Monday.
One of the things I really wish for these days is access to a journal of my thoughts, and symptoms, and feelings during my last experience with chemo. It would be so interesting to compare this current cancer detour with the last one.