“How wonderful and feminine, the listening to our bodies when they whisper no.”
Her words resonate in a place that still feels new. A chamber of my heart that I until recently I didn’t realize existed. The place from which I am able to sit silently and hear the gentle whisper of my being.
What I Did
I’ve been getting a lot of questions about my diet these days. Whether it has to do with why nothing on a particular menu works for me or why I need to know if there will be a refrigerator at my location, people are really curious when they start to realize how much time and effort seems to go into the food area of my life right now.
“What did you do?”
I’ve been asked this question multiple times in the last 3 days. I wish with all my being that I had a guaranteed cure-all for everyone who has ever faced a cancer diagnosis. I really, really do.
But I don’t.
I’ll just cut to the chase.
My CA125 is 12.5.
“Normal” is anything under 20.
My cancer is in remission.
What I'm [Not] Eating
“He doesn’t need to see you. Just call him in a few days and he can give you the results over the phone.”
You would think by now there would be a way to get the results of bloodwork in the same day, but oftentimes its not. So while we did the actual 2-months-turned-to-3-months-post-chemotherapy bloodwork today, I won’t get any news for a bit.
The Road Home
“Can you call ahead for me to the dinner restaurant,” I texted my amazing assistant from the freezing conference room, “there has literally been nothing here I can eat.”
I met the first really difficult challenges with food at a conference a few weeks ago. I had no refrigerator in my hotel room, limiting what I could bring with me, but I had assumed I would at least be able to find something to keep me fed during my time there.
You know what happens when you assume, right?
It has been just about three weeks since I was told that my cancer is incurable.
I looked up the definition of incurable recently. Impossible to cure. Not curable. Not likely to be changed.
Hearing these words is never easy, so matter how sure you are about what you’ve been hearing from God.
Learning to Walk on Water
I am finally settling back in after a long weekend away in Floyd, Virginia for the Floyd YogaJam. As usual, it was magical, but maybe more so this year than others. But more on that later.
The day before I left for Floyd, I headed to Charlottesville to see Dr. Bush.
"I was kicked out of my clinical trial," I tell him as I pull my legs up into my lap.
"I already like the sound of this," he replies.
Do Not Fear
Its been a long ten or so days. I tried to sum it all up for y'all in an incredibly long post over the weekend, and then the internet ate it. Long story very, very short: things did not go as expected following my post-chemo CT exam.
Its been a little while, and there are lots of reasons for that. I've been juggling being back at work more with an unexpected preliminary read of my post-chemo CT scan. I will get into that more as I know more, but for now I'll tell you that Dr. McGuire has labeled my disease as "stable" as there appear to be no changes from my mid-point CT and this most recent one.