Kaity Kasper

Blog

Un-Resolved

It’s a new year.

2017.

I’ll tell you what – I love a clean slate.  A new start.  I was that kid who woke up at 4 am on the first day of school – far earlier than on Christmas morning – to organize my new notebooks and pens and bask in the glow of the prospect of this shiny new chance to reclaim who I was and how others saw me. 

Spoiler alert – It never worked.

Much like a new school year, I long tackled a new year as the chance to reclaim a life that I knew had gone awry.  I took this task seriously.  I sat down and crafted the measurable goals I hoped to meet each year.  I wrote them down.  I took stock each month to see how much progress I had made.

This also never worked.

The truth is, I’m not much for resolutions anymore. 

So I’m not here to share mine with you.

*   *   *

A few years ago, when I was in the baby deer era of my sobriety and wasn’t super confident in who I was for the long haul let alone what I hoped to achieve beyond the day at hand, I stopped setting resolutions.  That first year, I started the tradition of spending Advent (the period leading up to Christmas) reflecting on the character of Christ and His teachings.  Each day I would log a character trait He embodied or a type of love He exhibited through His life, and on Christmas morning would select six of them to serve as my focuses for the year.

Things like grace.  Generosity.  Passion.  Commitment.  Resolve.

This was a good start.  But those words felt a bit too ambiguous to me.

So about half way through that year I made my first vision board to accompany those more general themes.  It was chock full of how I pictured my fullest life. 

I still have that first vision board.  It looks nothing like my life does now.  It serves as a daily reminder that the path I am headed down is very much not up to me. 

Its all about His will.  Not mine.

I didn’t get that then.

*   *   *

The Chinese New Year brings with it changes to the home – cures to help balance shifts in energy.  This coming New Year requires not one – but two vision boards in my home.  So I have been tinkering around with getting those crafted over the course of the holiday season. 

I struggled with this a bit.  I had planned to scrap the whole vision board thing this year in light of the fact that I am being more intentional than ever about letting God work his magic and keeping my ego in check.  Its been an interesting project.  In the end, I decided to create my vision boards around my personal focuses for the year and the promises God is leading me toward one day at a time. 

Those promises?  The right partnership and a family.

Those focuses?  A yogic lifestyle (which incorporates taking the veganism thing to the next level) and my recovery (both from cancer and from my childhood).

That’s it.

We will talk about what I expect that all may look like in another post.

*   *   *

While I don’t have any resolutions, I do have a word for the year.  An intention. 

Allow.

Allow God to work.  Allow myself to heal.  Allow all the things He has planned to come to me.  Allow my heart to be open to them.

Allow all He is offering to come into being.

Allow.